Well today is my last day sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself. Well, I'm sure I will still have days where I sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself, but my supply teaching begins tomorrow. I am booked for 5 days, so hopefully the bookings will start up now and keep going.
The last month has been really hard, longing for a contract, facing the reality of life without one, making no money, watching everyone else go back to their regular, full routines. I don't know how people who don't work manage. It's the first time I've had in my life since I was 15 that I wasn't working, going to school, studying, volunteering, writing, being creative and trying to have a social life all at once.
I've been doing all kinds of things trying to express my creativity and keep myself busy. Cleaning, somehow has managed to stay low on that list of desirables. I have made bread numerous times (I can't wait for some decent yeast), cookies, muffins, supper. I have cleaned out the shed and the study. I have written a children's story I've wanted to write for years now. I got in contact with people I have wanted to for ages, written letters and cards, played in a garden, stained the deck, began writing in my novel again, become quite interested in a few t.v.shows (to my horror, the one eyed God has my attention!) Grey's Anatomy and Wind At My Back (a truly Canadian drama), and House (which I've loved for a year now), I've watched Oprah on occasion, and even Dr. Phil once, I've dreamed of doing a variety of things, emailed far more regularly, folded laundry far more often, and longed for social interaction in a real hungry way. I've become knowledgeable about ITunes and dreamed of travel. I've longed for work and questioned what I am to be about, what I am meant to do, where I am meant to be, who I am meant to be, how I can managed to be her. It has been an interesting season in my life.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
A Glimpse
I was reading through my journal today and found this song I had written a few years back. Thought I'd share:
A Glimpse
In a heart so broken and filled with sorrow
Imagine what Mary thought;
As she knelt at the feet of the Master
And pained for the brother she had lost.
Just a glimpse of the hope that He offers
Just a touch of assurance from His hand…
It’s in the tears that slip from Jesus face
It’s in His love, arms opened to embrace
It’s in the truth that showers us with grace
He’s in this place.
He’s in this place.
On a blackened night the silence spoke
Of the Savior’s love from the cross;
As blood poured from the feet of the Master
Did they wonder at the heavy cost?
Just a glimpse of the hope that He offers
Just a touch of assurance from His hand…
It’s in the tears that slip from Jesus face
It’s in His love, arms opened to embrace
It’s in the truth that showers us with grace
He’s in this place.
He’s in this place.
Through this hurting world I will wait
I will seek the peace that He brought;
As I kneel at the feet of the Master
I will long for the truths that He taught.
Just a glimpse of the hope that He offers
Just a touch of assurance from His hand…
It’s in the tears that slip from Jesus face
It’s in His love, arms opened to embrace
It’s in the truth that showers us with grace
He’s in this place.
He’s in this place.
John 11, 19
~Heidi Carson
August 11, 2003
A Glimpse
In a heart so broken and filled with sorrow
Imagine what Mary thought;
As she knelt at the feet of the Master
And pained for the brother she had lost.
Just a glimpse of the hope that He offers
Just a touch of assurance from His hand…
It’s in the tears that slip from Jesus face
It’s in His love, arms opened to embrace
It’s in the truth that showers us with grace
He’s in this place.
He’s in this place.
On a blackened night the silence spoke
Of the Savior’s love from the cross;
As blood poured from the feet of the Master
Did they wonder at the heavy cost?
Just a glimpse of the hope that He offers
Just a touch of assurance from His hand…
It’s in the tears that slip from Jesus face
It’s in His love, arms opened to embrace
It’s in the truth that showers us with grace
He’s in this place.
He’s in this place.
Through this hurting world I will wait
I will seek the peace that He brought;
As I kneel at the feet of the Master
I will long for the truths that He taught.
Just a glimpse of the hope that He offers
Just a touch of assurance from His hand…
It’s in the tears that slip from Jesus face
It’s in His love, arms opened to embrace
It’s in the truth that showers us with grace
He’s in this place.
He’s in this place.
John 11, 19
~Heidi Carson
August 11, 2003
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Harvest Jazz & Blues
Well it's here, Fredericton's own Harvest Jazz & Blues Festival! Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am, yikes! some of us will be meeting for the CBC Radio Harvest Jazz & Blues brunch where we will be singing and promoting the Playhouse concert tomorrow night. Smythe Street Cathedral Choir has the awesome opportunity of opening for Sista Monica! Check her out here at: http://www.sistamonica.com/index.html
This should be a real blast! I'm looking forward to having some fun with some great musicians and then sitting back, or maybe jumping to my feet with Sista Monica's charms-- woohoo for date night this week!
This should be a real blast! I'm looking forward to having some fun with some great musicians and then sitting back, or maybe jumping to my feet with Sista Monica's charms-- woohoo for date night this week!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Celebrate! Celebrate!
Ok, another sucessful Saturday (after last weeks attack & success on the Shed)! Bright & early, migrane barely at bay, I headed in for choir practice for the Harvest Jazz & Blues Concert at the playhouse next friday night. Happily my headache seemed to subside throughout the morning and we finished early, ending at noon with a yummy stew Dot made for us. Dot is awesome!
I headed home with the headache rearing its ugly head--blasted thing--anyway, when I got home I fought it for awhile and couldn't take it any longer and went to bed and shut out all the light, I think I'm suffering from migranes or something. When I woke up I felt numb in my head, really weird feeling but I had things I had to do, so I attacked the bathroom cleaning, laundry and kitchen cleaning and by the time I finished those I was feeling the best I have in days. Relishing this, I decided today was the day to finish off the Study cleaning. That poor room since we've moved in has acumulated all the odds and ends, the things you just don't know where to find a home, along with say 300 + books, 150+ childrens books, 50+ recipe books, it's a full little room!
All of this to say with a satisfied sigh, I'm celebrating! I had tackled it earlier in the summer but there were still several boxes & odds & ends which have now been obliterated, everything that is supposed to be in the study is in the study, anything that isn't supposed to be in the study is gone! Yeah! Most of what we have now is in a deliberate place or we've gotten rid of it or put it in storage!
Celebrate! Celebrate!
I headed home with the headache rearing its ugly head--blasted thing--anyway, when I got home I fought it for awhile and couldn't take it any longer and went to bed and shut out all the light, I think I'm suffering from migranes or something. When I woke up I felt numb in my head, really weird feeling but I had things I had to do, so I attacked the bathroom cleaning, laundry and kitchen cleaning and by the time I finished those I was feeling the best I have in days. Relishing this, I decided today was the day to finish off the Study cleaning. That poor room since we've moved in has acumulated all the odds and ends, the things you just don't know where to find a home, along with say 300 + books, 150+ childrens books, 50+ recipe books, it's a full little room!
All of this to say with a satisfied sigh, I'm celebrating! I had tackled it earlier in the summer but there were still several boxes & odds & ends which have now been obliterated, everything that is supposed to be in the study is in the study, anything that isn't supposed to be in the study is gone! Yeah! Most of what we have now is in a deliberate place or we've gotten rid of it or put it in storage!
Celebrate! Celebrate!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
4 things about me... (no life activities)
I decided to do one those because you have no life activity forwards a friend of mine sent along, so here it is....
Four Things about me
>
> Things you may not have known about me.....
>
> Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Dairy Queen girl Moncton
2. Summer missionary for Child Evangelism fellowship on Dallas native Reserve Manitoba, & St. John’s NFLD
3. Safe Spaces Director UNB
4. Research Assistant to the Chair of the History Department UNB
>Four movies i could watch over and over
1. The Pink Panther Movies (original)
2. The Sound of Music
3. A Walk to Remember
4. Star Wars
> I have lived Four places:
1. Moncton
2 Tilly Hall UNB Residence Fredericton
3. downtown & uptown Fredericton
4. Lincoln
> Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. House
2. Gilmore Girls (back in the day)
3. The Amazing Race
4. Everybody Loves Raymond (back in the day)
> Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Vancouver, Victoria, Kelowna BC
2. Cornerbrook & Gros Morne NFLD
3. Boston & Rhode Island (Honeymoon)
4. Bar Harbor
> Four websites I visit daily:
1. President Choice Financial Banking
2. Bible Gateway
3. my really cool blog site http://heidibillington.blogspot.com
4. District 17 & 18 employment information
> Four of my favorite foods:
1. Cheesecake—oh yum – oh yum
2. Thai food, all sorts – groan…..
3. Italian Pasta & oh Gelato yum yum
4. Chocolate ahhhhhh dark chocolate….
> Four places I would rather be right now:
1. New York city with some awesome fun girl friends, great sneakers and a limitless amount of money
2. Italy, oh Italy dream of mine!
3. Elgin on a storm day, snowed in
4. in my very own classroom, preparing for the next days awesomely fun and creative lessons
Four Things about me
>
> Things you may not have known about me.....
>
> Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Dairy Queen girl Moncton
2. Summer missionary for Child Evangelism fellowship on Dallas native Reserve Manitoba, & St. John’s NFLD
3. Safe Spaces Director UNB
4. Research Assistant to the Chair of the History Department UNB
>Four movies i could watch over and over
1. The Pink Panther Movies (original)
2. The Sound of Music
3. A Walk to Remember
4. Star Wars
> I have lived Four places:
1. Moncton
2 Tilly Hall UNB Residence Fredericton
3. downtown & uptown Fredericton
4. Lincoln
> Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. House
2. Gilmore Girls (back in the day)
3. The Amazing Race
4. Everybody Loves Raymond (back in the day)
> Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Vancouver, Victoria, Kelowna BC
2. Cornerbrook & Gros Morne NFLD
3. Boston & Rhode Island (Honeymoon)
4. Bar Harbor
> Four websites I visit daily:
1. President Choice Financial Banking
2. Bible Gateway
3. my really cool blog site http://heidibillington.blogspot.com
4. District 17 & 18 employment information
> Four of my favorite foods:
1. Cheesecake—oh yum – oh yum
2. Thai food, all sorts – groan…..
3. Italian Pasta & oh Gelato yum yum
4. Chocolate ahhhhhh dark chocolate….
> Four places I would rather be right now:
1. New York city with some awesome fun girl friends, great sneakers and a limitless amount of money
2. Italy, oh Italy dream of mine!
3. Elgin on a storm day, snowed in
4. in my very own classroom, preparing for the next days awesomely fun and creative lessons
Savanna's 1st Birthday Party!
Isn't she just gorgeous! I love her cute smile! This is the birthday girl and I'd argue she knows it too! You should have seen her go! She took 28 steps unaided down our hallway, what a going concern!
'cuse you're all asking...
Ok, so no, I DON'T have a contract for the fall. Everyone's asking and frankly I feel like a major LOSER. Yesterday was so tough, everyone started back to school but me. I mean really, I know that hardly anyone I graduated with has a contract either this fall (yet anyway) but at the same time, I just feel it so hard. It's not about not having work. It's not even about not making money because I'll make enough supply teaching once it gets going. It's that I've wanted to teach since I was such a little girl and crammed my sisters into desk like paraphernalia and made our cabbage patch dolls sit in little desks my Dad made them and play school, with of course, me as teacher. Check out this pic!
It's that I feel so alive when I'm working with students, helping them learn some necessary skills but more importantly investing in their lives. I don't even know where to put my energy right now. I've started putting some more energy into my writing, which I haven't been able to do in years. I've just got to be doing something with some sort of lasting difference. I can't stand just working. I know I'm putting in my time until something comes along, I know that I will be making decent money, but in a lot of ways it feels so much like working at the Drycleaner again. Necessary work, to pay for necessary things, for basic living, but with no real meaning attached to it, I can't stand work/life like that.
So, thanks to all of you for caring, please feel free to pray for something to open up for me, but please don't ask me anymore. I need a bit of a break. I'll let you know if I get something! I will, I'll be so excited it will be written all over my face! Promise!
It's that I feel so alive when I'm working with students, helping them learn some necessary skills but more importantly investing in their lives. I don't even know where to put my energy right now. I've started putting some more energy into my writing, which I haven't been able to do in years. I've just got to be doing something with some sort of lasting difference. I can't stand just working. I know I'm putting in my time until something comes along, I know that I will be making decent money, but in a lot of ways it feels so much like working at the Drycleaner again. Necessary work, to pay for necessary things, for basic living, but with no real meaning attached to it, I can't stand work/life like that.So, thanks to all of you for caring, please feel free to pray for something to open up for me, but please don't ask me anymore. I need a bit of a break. I'll let you know if I get something! I will, I'll be so excited it will be written all over my face! Promise!
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