Partnering with Parents: Why it Matters

She slammed her daily planner shut and folded her hands “So she had a bad day at school did she?”  Was it just me or was her tone condescending?  “You know, girls will be girls.” “Maybe you should chalk this up as a way to teach your daughter some valuable life lessons.” 

Incredulously I stared at her  she couldn't possibly be saying these things, not if she knew what had been going on for so long, not if she knew us and how we parent, not if she cared about the emotional well-being of my daughter. 

The walk to the van was silent and all that ran through my head was “this is why partnering with parents is essential.” 

Maybe this is why so many of the parents in our church struggle to cross over from the idea of child care or Sunday School teacher, to spiritual partner and engaged mentor in the life of their child.  Is there any other arena where parents partner intentionally with someone who is influencing their child? 

I mean what does it mean to partner?  I’m not talking about you have them these many hours a week and I have them these many hours a week, but what about both of us together, communicating and caring for a child, saying the same things. “A partnership is an arrangement in which parties agree to cooperate to advance their mutual interests.”

What if this woman knew the signs that my daughter was struggling, withdrawing, confused, unhappy and hurting.  What if this woman knew that we are engaged parents who want to work with the influences in our daughters' life to grow her up to be a well-rounded, intelligent, caring and compassionate, God fearing young woman.

Contrast this picture with the following night where I poured out my heart to a trusted few women in my church, who have walked through and prayed through fire for me and my family over the last few years, who know my children (actually are their small group leaders), love them like their own and dare to stand with us as we call on God for wisdom for our child.  

This is what partnering with parents really is. Let us dare to step out, to be different from society, to trust each other and partner together in raising our children as followers of Jesus Christ.  Two combined influences are much greater than two influences.

"The Battle of Doorway"

After over 15 years of working in Children’s Ministry, a handful as a teacher in the education system and now with 4 children under 7 of my own I have had the opportunity to work with many different little people and many different Mom’s and Dad’s.  Every year, especially in September  we prepare ourselves for what I call “The Battle of Doorway”.

It is sad to see families struggling, especially at church where parents long for their children to have a positive experience away from them and they themselves are able to have a mental and physical break from the constant demands of parenting to worship their creator and hear Him speak into their life situations. 

There are some obvious reasons why it is harder at church than preschool or school:

1.       Consistency at best  at church is once a week, as opposed to a daily routine

2.       Your child knows you are just downstairs/upstairs or down the hall as opposed to at work/home

3.       Often there are a rotating group of volunteers as opposed to one consistent teacher’s face (this is NOT the case at KONNECT kidz)

Here are 5 tried tested and true ways to ensure your child (and you!) conquer “The Battle of Doorway” quickly.

1.       Consistency.  Make a decision to attend church and Kids Ministry regularly.  “This is what we do on Sunday’s”. You and your child will benefit immensely from this decision and routine!

2.       Talk about how drop off will go. Do NOT decide to take them to Adult service and then bring them to kids church during the sermon, this disrupts routine, shows them the party (worship, music, dancing) is in adult service, disrupts the opportunity for them to engage and develop relationships with their peers, and negates the intentional design of our program to gradually work your child to a place of comfort and engagement. (Did you know your child has intentional worship in kid’s church and he misses out if you don’t bring him until the sermon?).

3.       Arrive a few minutes early.  If you are anxious about arriving late your child will pick up on your anxiousness. Also, if you are late he misses out on the intentional time to gradually connect and is thrown into the middle of something and expected to adjust quickly.

4.       Show confidence! In your child’s Coach/Small Group Leader and that your child will have a great time!-smile. J Your confidence will grow the more you get to know them. Know what goes on in your child’s classroom. Help us help you by being aware of family circumstances, what is your child saying at home about their time at KONNECT Kidz etc.

5.       Say Goodbye at the classroom door, make drop off a quick, matter of fact experience.  We will call you if things aren’t going well, but if you linger you show your child you’re not confident things will go well and that you don’t expect them to stay if they don’t want to.

Partnership is the key for ensuring you are victorious over the “Battle of Doorway”.  Let us be intentional this fall in partnering together to raise our children as followers of Jesus Christ.