Difficult day today

Difficult day today. I believe I left part of my heart in Haiti. Images are burned into my minds eye and as much as I want to forget them, I don't want to forget them. The sounds interrupt my quiet, the noise of two little ones and telephones feel chaotic. I feel like I should be pulling it together now but instead I feel more apart. Tomorrow Chad and I have worked out some time so I can have a bit of a break from child care to collect my thoughts in the quiet and write. I know I need to get some of this out of me and finish putting my thoughts to paper.

Heidi Fest Pt 5- The Gift of Friendship

So by now I'm starting to relish this Heidi Fest thing. Taking time to be with people I care about and care about me, do some things I love, get spoiled, how could this be bad? I should do this more often! lol, now we're on to something! he he...

Chad worked his tail off for me Saturday. I was out in the morning at my community group glas Christmas brunch, coming home only long enough to feed Eliya, and then out most of the afternoon getting my hair done. I certainly know that child care of a 7 month old and 2 year old is work enough, but he was also prepping ingredients for his famous pizza (Jamaican Jerk pizza is the bomb!) and tidying up the house after two crazy weeks running the roads like lunitics! he had his work cut out for him.

I arrived home at 5:30, just moments before our good friends Chris and Céline came over for Jamacian Jerk and BBQ Chicken Pizza, Dark Chocolate Torte and games night.

We truly enjoyed Chad's amazing pizza and just catching up a bit, then took a break to bath and get the kido's in bed, stopping for a dance fest with Zoë in her new Christmas tutu pj's with Chris on keys. We then savored small (mostly because we'd pigged out on pizza and had no room left) slices of this delectable dessert. Then the party really got heated up ;)

While I was trying to rock/feed Eliya into bedtime slumber zone, Céline fell asleep on the couch and I started dozing in the rocking chair (now this is the life of an aged woman such as myself!). The boys were whispering at the table trying to figure out the instructions to our new game. lol. We did manage to pull it together long enough for a round of our new game, Yatzee Free For All --which by the way was fun and comes highly recommeneded by this crowd. Overall a great night of great food and time spent with great friends. Couldn't have asked for better and overdue for sure.

Reflecting on the gift of friendship...

I am blessed.

Heidi Fest Pt 4- The Gift of Personal Care

Ah the talented Kait! I spent a good chunk of Saturday afternoon with Kait my hairstylist. Is there many better ways to spend a gals time then have someone try to honestly make you look better? Some trimmed up locks, and refined colour placement and I'm preped for 30, Christmas, the New Year and Haiti.

I am blessed.

Heidi Fest PT 3- The Gift of Relationship

Saturday morning was my Community Group Gals Christmas Brunch. This group is super special. Busy women who are hungry for some "real" relationships with other women and a deeper relationship with God. We meet every other week because of child care difficulties and crazy work schedules etc. but every meeting is such an uplifting and encouraging experience we always leave wanting more. The gals put together an "An Old Age Preparedness Kit" for me. They had just a bit too much fun I think. There were crazy eye glasses, bright red shinny lip gloss(because what crazy old lady can't have bright obnoxiously red lips!), an "it's my birthday I'll cry if I want to" hankie, oatmeal, Epsom salts, a 30 blinking birthday button, Ensure etc. Foolish, yes, Fun yes. I am thankful to have these really awesome women in my life to celebrate with, or morn perhaps, depending on how I end up looking at things!

I am blessed!

Heidi Fest Pt 2- The Gift of Indulgence

Last night, even though Chad was busy running errands after a full day of work and I was busy doing householdy things, he arrived home with one of my most favorite Christmas indulgences--a fabulous Heidi fest gift--Hickory Farms' Jalepeno Cheeseball. I will admit that one year I actually sat down by myself and devoured 1/4 of it all on my own it is that delicious--oh yum!

Let the festivities continue!

I am blessed.

~H

Heidi Fest Pt 1- The Gift of Freedom

My hubby has decided that the week prior to me turning the big 3-0 should involve a number of events to celebrate my birthday. He has entitled the week "Heidi Fest"(he's cute isn't he?). I have been given strict instructions to accept all invitations given to me-lol-sounds scary huh?However, if last night was any indication of what is to come it's going to be good.

Last night-Heidi Fest Pt 1: The Gift of Freedom, was an evening out on the town to do with as I wished. The night kicked off with a pedicure! yea! I spent the first hour and 15 minutes having my feet soaked, scrubbed, buffed and polished. I was nearly asleep by the time they told me that I wasn't to wear socks or shoes for the next 2 HOURS!!! --what! no socks or shoes for 2 hours! isn't that something they should mention when you book a pedicure! for all of us novices (there are others out there too I'm sure!) a little preamble during the booking would have been nice (but less funny in the long run I suppose).

I had planned on doing some Christmas shopping, get a Starbucks etc. as it was my evening of freedom. Shopping without 2 small babies hanging on you, needing diaper changes etc. can be quite enjoyable. Now I was left to shuffle through the mall in flimsy spa flip flops sporting beautifully manicured Burgundy red piggies in the dead of winter with a winter coat and scarf on, Starbucks in hand. Perhaps I needed a touch more humility before 30? Perhaps it's a sign that I really am getting older when I don't head home or cower in a corner. Perhaps it is a sign I am cheap when the cost of the pedicure keeps me from just putting my shoes on and risking the paint job outweighing any possible embarrassment.

Ahh I did get a few stares, but had a great time, wandering around, stopping to chat with everyone I knew--and yes they were all out last night--with little care for the time, or the needs of anyone else, accomplishing little on the Christmas list or otherwise but not responsible for anyone but myself. Blissfully happy and at the same time overly aware that my two little dollies were home in bed, thinking of their beautiful faces, seeing babies and thinking of mine...ah children, how they change your outlook on everything.

I arrived home, spread out this years accumulated Christmas cheer on the floor and Chad and I wrapped the Moncton bound gifts to take with us this weekend. We talked about Christmas and gift giving, the trap of buying for your children, the fight to stay out of the madness and large pricetags. While out, I was in the line at Toys R Us and the lady in front of me was asked by the cashier if she wanted to donate $1 to the charity represented. The customer proceeded to go on a rant about the need to take care of ones own first (hundreds of dollars in video games were her purchase) to which the cashier agreed and said with things as tight as they are, no one should be expected to give to other things as well. I was overwhelmed at how wrong we have it.

I'm headed to Haiti in January and have been thinking about what I'd like to bring our sponsor child Michaela when I meet her. She is 4. She loves art, so I thought some art supplies were an obvious choice, but I also really wanted to give her a baby doll. I know how much Zoë loves hers and Zoë has so many, and Michaela probably doesn't have one. How many other children don't even have one doll, stuffed animal or special toy and my children can't even count all of theirs, and wouldn't miss half of them. But yet, when I am at home, with the Christmas loot all spread out on the floor to see, I see how little we've bought our daughters, who have everything they could possibly need, and I am still affected by the materialism with which we live. Maybe I need to run out and buy Eliya an.... do you think Zoë would like a.....Take care of our own first! our own are so well taken care of we don't have any idea what that statement even means. We can show love in so many ways, isn't that the point?

Despite this emotional thinking process, my evening was wonderful. Super bonus, the girls both slept through the night and until 7:30am!!

I am blessed!

~H

Cobocol, Haiti

As many of you know I am headed to Cobocol, (near Hinche) Haiti, January 12th. The next step in a project I am helping spearhead which will endeavor to connect the Fredericton Community with this Haitian Community (through World Vision) in the hopes of making sustainable, measurable differences in areas affected by poverty.

Many more updates will be coming from me, but here is a start. Some of you have asked, first where Haiti is (see left) in relation to New Brunswick and second where exactly Cobocol is in Haiti, as it does not appear on Google Maps etc. Here are a couple of maps helping you better locate where I will be.

We will be leaving January 12th and flying into the Capital of Haiti, Port-au-Prince, and then travelling 6 hours on the ground from there to Hinche, the community nearest the ADP (area development project).

We will stay for a the better part of a week, learning about the Community and their needs, resources, expertise and seeing how the projects are developing and hopefully gaining a sense or initial relationship and knowledge about how we might be best able to help this community become self sufficient. There are 19 communities within this one ADP.

I have specific interests in areas of mother/baby care (nutrition etc.) as well as education. I know that I can't possibly prepare myself for the change this is going to bring about in me, for the shock this is going to be to my Northern American perspective but I can honestly say I am so hungry for the reality check and hopefully a renewed and fervent desire to make a tangible difference.

I see Jesus

Incomprehensible conception. You CREATED.

Mystifying design of love.

God, I look and I see your awesome extravagance in bursts of sunset painted across the sky.

I breathe in the sweet scent of fresh renewal that comes following the spring rain.

I taste and I savor the explosion of a multitude of flavors.

God, I listen and I hear joyous, medicinal laughter bubbling up from young children’s voices.

I touch and I feel deep comfort in the embrace of a loved one.

And I know that you are God. And I know that you are good.

In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. (Psalm 102:25)

But God, my eyes are not blind, they are raped by slavery and injustice.

The putrid stench of poverty lies decaying in our streets.

Bitter battles rip and tear and destroy nations, families, marriages.

The agonizing cries of children resonate in our cities, our schools, our homes, our churches: lost, damaged, abused.

Empty arms long to be held, to be loved, to be comforted, to be protected: cherished.

And I can not help but ask, where are you God? where IS your good?

They are there: your hands, my hands, our hands

Offering food to the hungry,

Drilling wells for the thirsty

Providing clothes to the exposed,

They are building homes for the destitute

Stitching the wounds of the marred.

But what of their minds they are still distressed,

Their hearts are still fearful,

Their souls are still wounded,

And we are left with our efforts

Broken, weak, and vulnerable.

But I see Jesus

Reaching out HIS calloused hands to heal the sick,

His stable arms leading the blind,

His strength lifting up the crippled.

I see him stoop to bless the children and smile in their faces.

I see his arms stretched wide to embrace this fallen world as he is unjustly dying.

I see his nailed hands.

I see the damage inflicted in his risen flesh radiate hope and confidence

And I CANNOT stand,

I MUST kneel and raise my hands to worship.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners (Isaiah 61:1)

But through my thankful tears, my humble act of worship, one arm is driven to my side.

To my left, to my right, THEY are there and I MUST reach them.

One hand reaching up, one hand reaching out.

To know my Lord, to worship my God, is to defend the poor and needy, the weak, the fatherless, the oppressed.

Where are YOUR hands that heal, lend stability, give strength and lift up?

They are mine, they are yours, they are ours.

WE have been anointed to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed. (Luke 4:18)

Only then, will we truly see God.

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Mathew 25:35-36

on motherhood...

never so exhausted, so "stretched"(yes I mean that in several different ways), so forced selfless, so full of love!

Motherhood-wow. This is really one of those things you just can't possibly "get" until you become a Mom yourself. And yes, of course you hear this your whole life, but it really becomes so true after you've been a Mom for little awhile and look back on your life. This isn't a badge of honour statement but just pure truth.

First of all, I am glad I had the privilege to live a little, finish my degrees, figure myself out a bit and get married to an awesome man before I had my girls. I think not only did I grow as a human into a person who had a starting point from which I'd like to raise my children, but I am less likely to resent them from holding me back from becoming some of the things I wanted to be, do or see.

Having said that I can't help but wonder lately if I'd had my daughters when I was younger if I wouldn't be a much better person approaching 30 then I am now.

I have yet to figure out how to "plan"a pregnancy. Both of my girls, although my biggest God given gifts, were not planned, and I could argue, although I won't, not in MY plans at all. I became pregnant for Zoë just as my teaching career was beginning to come together and aspirations for that perfect little home, world travelling adventures and major student loan payments were beginning to take root in my brain and become legitimate possibilities. I was in major shock and thought a lot about HOW or even IF I COULD be a good Mom. I remember staring at my stomach moving and thinking "alien!!"

Even when I became pregnant for Eliya, my second child, I didn't feel like I was ready to be pregnant again or have another child. I was just thinking I might be beginning to get my feet under me with a toddler and the new experiences she brought to my daily life. Although some women seem to embrace pregnancy I think I think too much and I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it and that seems to drive me crazy!

One of my dear friends did ask me when I was freshly pregnant with Eliya and hadn't told a soul yet other than Chad, "why have children? why bring them into this corrupted and hurtful world? Is it purely selfish, for the joy they bring to your life, for carrying on your legacy?" I thought about it a lot and resolved that children are God's hope for the world, they are HIS plan to better the world, they are his precious gift to the world, to the family. I truly believe that my girls will change the world. I felt that this baby I was carrying, that no one even knew of yet, would have this hope within him/herself and would evoke this hope in others...there began the struggle to find a name we liked that meant hope!

Even still the night before I went in to have Eliya I was on the phone with my Mom bawling, like a baby myself, certain I couldn't possibly have any more love in my heart for another baby. I loved Zoë so all inclusively! But I was soon to find out there IS more, there is more love for this one, more, different, amazing love.

As many mothers will tell you, the evening came for each of them when I was rocking them, watching them sleep, overwhelmed with the love welling up inside of me, astounded at the emotion that comes from staring your little one in the face. There aren't words to describe this feeling, although the writer in me has certainly tried of course. The best way I can describe it is that through no act of my own it now feels like my girls hold my heart in their hands. Unintentionally, but willingly my heart beats for them.

My heart hurts like it has never hurt before for them, it fills with immeasurable joy like it has never been filled before, for them. If I had only known, as a young adult, this wordless truth, I would have never questioned my mothers' love for me, I could never have walked away when things were difficult. But alas, we can't live our lives backwards can we? I remember telling my Mom after I'd had Zoë, "If I'd only known Mom, I never would have questioned."

I have been forced into self denial time and time again whether because of sickness, or feedings, falls or even needed hugs and cuddles. I have had to put my own ambitions aside and just sit on the floor and colour. I have felt useless and unproductive as my child rips through the one thing I managed to accomplish that day-folded laundry. I have felt so isolated, day in day out attempting to be housemaid, super mommy and sexy wife. There have been so many times when I have desperately needed a few quiet moments, a bubble bath or a the intangible nap and felt the frustration mounting inside of me as there just wasn't time for me, it has seemed there was no "me".

But I am learning that what makes me a fabulous Mom, isn't my clean floors (get over it folks they're just going to pee on them as soon as you finish scrubbing), or the folded laundry (it will be dirty again by tomorrow), or even baking the most fantastic birthday cake by scratch, it is that they have my heart. That THIS love is theirs, and no one else can give them this.

I have learned, even just two years into being a Mom, about the absolute necessity of touch, for children, for adults and myself. That dancing like a lunatic in the livingroom with your two year old, was in God's ultimate plan. That your child's first smiles will make you believe you can do anything. That the satisfaction of successfully breastfeeding your child and knowing they are getting the best nourishment possible is worth any seeming torture you may have to get through to get there. That your child's first giggles come straight from heaven. That you would walk through fire for them, not by choice but instinct. That rocking a peacefully sleeping baby restores the weary. That little hands caressing your cheek, holding your hand, reaching up for you, ligitimizes your very existence.

I FEEL deeper, love more fully, share joy more willingly, laugh more heartily, am more sensitive and compassionate to others needs. I really VALUE LIFE... and I can't help but wonder if I'd had my babies when I was younger, wouldn't I be a much better person now?

things are movin' now

well I started my round of shots today to prepare me for my trip to Haiti in January. It is hard to believe that after years of praying and exhausting areas, having no clue what to pursue, where to pursue, endless frustrations, things are finally starting to come together. And yet I have no idea how this trip is going to potentially change my life. What does God have in store for Haiti, for Fredericton, for me?

I'm asking

I have really been impressed lately with a specific prayer for me and my family this coming 2010, it seems confirmation is everywhere. God is good, He has always guided me when I have seriously asked. I'm asking.

Psalms 25:4-5

⁴ Show me the right path, O Lord;
point out the road for me to follow.
⁵ Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZfsxydxEXA

thriving...not just living

written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. it is the most-requeste column I've ever written."

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's ok to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
    
17. Get rid of aything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, the go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In 5 years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your buisness.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who Go is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

yes, it's beem ages...

motherhood is certainly all encompassing and somehow there is little time for writing. yet without it I don't feel as centered. so here's hoping.

on saying Goodbye...

Cherished friends Heidi & Doug are moving away to Halifax this week and it’s got me thinking. We had them in for supper Saturday night and after they left I just couldn’t get to sleep. I thought of so many things…and my inability to say goodbye.

My mind was jumping all over the place as I attempted to fall asleep, very unsuccessfully, and I knew I needed to get up and “write it out” of me, but I also knew Zoë could get up at any hour and I NEEDED to get to sleep. But these thoughts have been lingering around in the recesses of my cloudy mind this week and I thought I’d grab a minute and get them out.

Being my over thinking self, I’ve even thought back to the first time I really remember saying goodbye. It was to Lester, my grade 1 boyfriend. My first kiss. Lester and I hung out all the time, playing ball on the front lawn as my neighbourhood girlfriends jeered at us from across the street, making mudpies and sneaking kisses behind the trailer in my backyard. I honestly remember very little more about Lester than that, other than he had blond hair, shaved close to his head and his Dad was in the army.

I remember walking to the end of the block (I wasn’t allowed to cross the street) and watching him run through the field to his house, and knowing I’d never see him again. His Dad had been posted somewhere else. I remember feeling something strange…but I didn’t have a word to describe it.

The next time I really remember saying Goodbye was in high school. I had become extremely close to my youth leader Christy, she was the big sister I had always wanted and I adored her. She and her husband left to go to Nova Scotia to Pastor at a church there and I was heart broken. I truly believed we would stay close, I would visit, we would be in constant contact but with the long distance time constraints, her busy life with a husband and then a newborn baby, it didn’t happen. I wrote letters, and made phone calls, she promised to do the same but it didn’t happen. I remember the night I realized whatever I had thought we had had was different now, over. I had called her long distance later in the evening, she had a 3 month old colicky baby and she didn’t have time to talk to me. She told me she’d call back as soon as she got him off to bed. I waited by the phone, she didn’t call.
My Mom came into my bedroom several times telling me I needed to go to bed, but I refused, believing she would keep her word and call. Finally around midnight, it became apparent she wasn’t going to call, and for the first time in over a year since she had left, it sunk in to me that I was the one trying to hold on to a relationship that didn’t really exist. I remember feeling something strange…but I didn’t have a word to describe it. I sobbed so hard I made myself sick that night.

Then it was going off to University. Again, when everyone was tearful and clingy as we made decisions to go our separate ways, I wasn’t. I was excited about a new tomorrow, an exciting future. It wasn’t until months had past and I was sick and lonely and scared, that I started to long for what I had with my old friends. But things were different, things and people had changed, we had moved on, I felt something strange, but I didn’t have a word to describe it….but I hadn’t said goodbye…

I can honestly say I made my way through my tumultuous years of university without making any lasting close friendships. I dated a bit, was friendly in classes, but scared for some reason, of really getting close to anyone, letting anyone know the real me, would they like me? I didn’t know how to do it, it felt dangerous somehow. As intimate relationships and closeness petered out of my life I became more and more desperate for it and would do completely unreasonable things to try and attain it. How I hurt others, how I hurt myself and remained alone, so desperate for connection.

Then in walked Heidi. She started on as supervisor at the Drycleaner where I was working solely to fund my drinking while I went to school. I remember, I always wore a ball cap then, lurking behind it, some sort of protection I guess. Before showing up for my shift one day I made a particularly distressed walk downtown, I arrived still distressed to work. She walked up to me and flipped my visor on my cap, I don’t remember what she said to me but I remember the look in her eyes, she really looked at me. If I’d only known that gesture was only the beginning of exposing myself to someone and becoming open to receive love again.

I watched her intensely. Daily people would come in and she would have meaningful conversations with them, she would really talk to them about the things going on in their lives, she would joke and laugh and tease… she interested me. Of course I had no idea she was a Christian or I would have likely written her off altogether. She and Doug invited me over to their house for supper one night, I don’t know why I accepted. I remember on the drive out to their place questioning my sanity, wondering if I should ask to be let out on the side of the road… and that began a long journey for me, back to God, toward friendships, to my husband and my gift, Zoë.

I have since attempted and made strides towards authentic relationships, Chad proving so immensely trustworthy with “myself”. All parts, even then ones I hate or find shameful straight up from the beginning he wanted nothing less and loved me inspite, despite and for, it all. Often I’ve not realized the potential some of the relationships in my life had, because of my own fear and insecurities until they too moved on. I remember going out for coffee with Krista before she headed off to Newfoundland. We talked and laughed, I dropped her off at her apartment and said goodbye, after all I hadn’t know her all that well and we’d just started hanging out a bit that past year. Pulling out of the driveway it happened again, that feeling so hard to describe and I cried for a friendship I hadn’t been brave enough to pursue.

How scary it is to bare yourself, your not-always-so-pretty-self for someone to accept or reject, but how freeing to be accepted, as is, no strings or expectations attached, just loved.

How do you say goodbye to the person who sat on the end of the church pew so you could hide in the middle of the row Sunday after Sunday? Who let you cry such snotty cries all over her suede vest? Who introduced you to music that would challenge you to change while you smoked pack after pack of cigarettes?

What do you say to the people who let you sleep more nights on their living room couch, then you did in your own apartment? Who taught you that if you ate enough seasalt chips and drank enough Pepsi you could let out an amazing belch? Who made you suffer through endless reruns of All in the Family? Who pushed your hair out of your face when you tried to hide behind masses of curls?

How do you say goodbye to the people who walked over to get you and bring you back to their place on a rainy Christmas eve so you wouldn’t spend it alone. Who forgave you after you lied and manipulated and hurt them in a desperate attempt to be needy enough they wouldn’t leave you? Who knew when they needed to let go and let God have His way in your life? Who were so honest and real and unpretentious, God’s love and availability for those who wanted Him was evident in their everyday?

Where are the words to describe your feelings for the people who love you despite it all. Who know where you’ve been, what you’ve done, and see what God is doing and accept you through it all? The people you can just “be” around, and know it’s ok, they don’t expect anything else. How do you tell these people you’ve taken for granted… Goodbye?

I don’t mean to be dramatic. I know we’ll stay in contact. I know the emails, the pictures will continue. But I also know it will be different now. The doorbell won’t ring and Heidi be standing there to take my crying baby from my arms so I can take a shower. I won’t walk through Kingsplace and see Doug having a coffee and sit down and in an instant have a deep conversation about something meaningful. I won’t be able to call Heidi up and just drop by and go for a walk. I won’t be able to look over on a Sunday morning and see them there worshiping the God that gave me life, gave them new life. They are my family, and now it will be different.

I AM excited to see what God has in store for them as they head out. I am so comforted to know that God has their best interest and future in His plans as they follow Him, and that His plans are even better, yes much better than what mine might be for them.

So instead of Goodbye, when the words just won’t come… can I say thank you? Thank you for being a part of my life. For walking with me this far. Thank you for seeing the good in me when it was really hard to see, and for sticking it out long enough to see the good and God living in me, in my life, my husband, my baby girl. Thank you.

Reflections on My First Mother's Day

Well I guess it's official, I'm a real mother having made it through my first Mother's Day, lol.

Actually the day started off really well with the sun shinning and Zoë NOT screaming as I got ready for church. Of course I put her in the sweetest little pink dress she owns and she cooperated fully, sometimes I think she likes playing dress up, she certainly loves being told she's beautiful! Anyway a great start to a Sunday when they are usually quite hairy! There's this little hat that goes with Zoë's dress and overcoat and it just makes me want to cry with happiness when I put it on her, she's so gorgeous! (I've got to add that my unruly mane was actually somewhat cooperative for a change too!)

We actually arrived at church early and I didn't have to feed her (she must be growing up a bit)and we even had time to socialize a bit.

Pastor Verner had a really interesting sermon comparing Mother's Day, Mother's birthing pains and adoration for her child to the birthing of the church on the Day of Pentecost and God's feelings towards His church. I'd never heard it put this way before and I found it really interesting.

There was also time in the service to reflect on being a Mom. I've got to say I'm still in awe at the depth of feeling that accompanies being a Mom. I've never felt so deeply before. When I catch her smile, or make her laugh her belly laugh, when she's sleeping or reaches out for me, when she's sucking on her toes, or playing in her bath, even crying and fussing, when I'm feeding her or playing with her I'm overwhelmed at the depth of feeling that swells in my heart, and then I'm even more overwhelmed to think that someone ever felt that way for me, my Mom. It's funny how differently you view your Mom after you become one yourself. I guess one of the things I didn't realize before Zoë (and was so worried about when I was pregnant) was that what makes you a great Mom has nothing to do with all these ideals of motherlyness (gentleness, cleanthliness, unselfishness) but simply that you love your child with all of your being. What relief as this comes so naturally, so much so that it even shocks you at the depth of feeling you suddenly have for this little person.

We came home after church after attempting to put feelings for our dear friends Heidi & Doug into a few words for a video clip, and we took a couple of pictures, how could we not when Zoë looked so adorable! Then I gave my Mom a call and wished her a Happy Mother's Day as Chad took to the grill to prepare me a fantastic Mother's day dinner or yummy sticky ribs, fries & salad.

Chad headed in to evening service and Zoë and I hung out, played a bit, read some books, gave her her bath and put her to bed. As the evening wound down I read a few more chapters in the book I'm reading "Boundaries", this book is really changing how I look at relationships, putting words to thought's I'd had, and giving me confidence to make changes in my life and relationships, I highly recommend it!

Anyway a great Mother's day, I hope it was go for you other mother's as well.

A Perfect Day

So I'll admit yesterday was a bit hairy. Busy running, cleaning, emotional, screaming Zoë as I attempt to get out the door, Marriage Course...it was full on, but today, today was perfect. Albeit Zoë woke up at 6am and not her usual happy 7am (better than yesturday's 4:30am though), but she settled in for a feed and stayed in bed until 9:30am, oh bliss! We got up (I had pumpkin pie for breakfast--oh yum!) and got ready for the day. She played while I showered and got ready instead of screaming as has been her habit lately, and then I got her ready in her cutest little sundress and matching bonnet and we were off to meet Daddy for lunch. Chad worked straight today with Flood relief, meetings and doing the Bible Study tonight so Zoë and I met him for a quick picnic lunch. How she adores him! Me too, I've got such a great guy--blessings, blessings, abundent blessings...

After lunch Zoë and I headed up to the Mall. I had a list of 5 things I wanted to pick up and walked around kind of numb in the head and only managed to pick up 2. It wasn't until I got home that I realized all I'd forgotten. Zoë has needles tomorrow so I guess I'll have to do some extra running around. Anyway, that didn't bother me too much.

We came home and I gave Zoë another feed before we headed out to the garden. I've been wanting get in there for days. I don't pretend to have a clue what I'm doing, but I'm so hopeful and excited when ANYTHING grows! So I put Zoë in her bumbo chair on the lawn with some toys and I got to digging up weeds! I'm amazed at how deep some of those roots can go! I'm exited to report a good smattering of lillies are coming up, my bleeding heart has revived from the dead, I see a bit of growth in my miniture rose bush, that yellow flowering bush thing is in full bloom and there are a couple other patches of obvious growth, but I don't have a clue what was planted there. Best of all though, Chad's Grammie Billington's peonise (however you spell THAT) is coming!! I'm so excited and desperately hope it blooms this year!

We spent over an hour and a half digging around and Zoë was telling her stories at the top of her lungs! It was hilarious as neighbors dropped by to see what she was talking about. Her face, of course so expressive as she ranted on about something or other.

We played a bit tonight before her bath, how she loves her bath and sucking her toes, the whole while expressing choruses of "Da da, Da da..." her favorite and first word (with the exception of when she says what sounds so much like hallelujah, LOL).

As my little darling is fast asleep, I think I'm going to make myself some warm milk and read or journal a bit until Chad gets home. What a beautiful day.

Well it’s May 01 and I’m back. Or at least going to try. My amazing little girl finally arrived in November 07 and I am in love. Never have I known love like this. As I rocked her in my arms one night last December I called my Mom and said “Mom, I know you can’t live your life backwards, but if I had known growing up that you loved me like this, like how I love Zoë, I never could have questioned it.”

How I adore her, how my life has changed. I realize now, I had been so concerned I was to selfish to love someone else enough to be a parent, but it’s not that I am no longer selfish, I just suddenly care about someone else’s well being so much more than my own.

I look for her smile first thing in the morning, her laugh is music to my heart, her babblings light up my day. Does everyone love their children as much as I love my Zoë?

Baby B at 39 weeks

39 weeks!! This was totally amazing. As the technician was taking the measurements, all of a sudden up comes Baby B's face, here it looks a little distorted, but it was yawning & pouting, and looked soo cute! She was amazed we saw anything that clearly too! You could tell the eyelids were closed, and it had this little upturned nose and was sooo pouting...ah the Carson pout makes it to another generation! LOL! Of course you have to be so fast to get the pic and things had shifted before she got to take this one, but I still thought it was really neat!

Chad keeps grabbing his cheeks now and squishing them together saying "Mommy it's squishy in here! I want out!" LOL! I think he's trying to convince the baby, I'm certainly ready! :)

We can't wait to meet you little one!

The Waiting Game

So I'm stuck in the waiting game. What a huge loss of control the last few weeks of pregnancy is! I mean pregnancy itself is just this major transition time, but towards the end when you realize you have absolutly no control of when this baby may decide to show up....wow, that is loss of control! I mean whether I'm driving Chad in to work in the morning, washing dishes, going for a walk, having people in, doing the regular typing for work...I never know, could this be the day? Sometimes I wonder if Baby B is ever going to come, then I think, oh my gosh we're going to have a baby and be PARENTS! We can't be parents! We're not mature enough to be parents (everyone assures me we're definilty old enough, so I guess it's the maturity issue that is bigger!) We're too selfish to be parents! Is it a boy? is it a girl? It he or she healthy? Will he or she be happy? So much not knowing! It's freaky, but it's exciting! You're not sure you can do it, yet you're ready--bring it on!

So what do we do with all this going on swirling around inside our minds? we wait...we wait because the nursery is ready, the house is clean, the bags are packed and waiting at the door, 78 servings of food are frozen and waiting in the freezer, grandparents are waiting for the phone to ring...we wait knowing that we have no control over when our lives are going to suddenly and unimaginably take this drastic and dramatic change forever.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was just what the doctor ordered for me! Honestly I was getting really close to the end of myself. People don't realize that attending church all day on Sunday, and running into people we know everywhere we go in Fredericton day in and day out and having them rub the belly, feel the belly, ask the same questions, comment on how massive you are, everyone needing a piece of you, it can really REALLY get to a person. Why anyone would ever think it was a good idea to ever comment on how "HUGE" a person was, pregnant or non, I really have no clue but for some reason pregnancy gives people amazing allowances in their minds for being rude! I've really thought about writing a book, maybe a handbook for pregnant women to give out "Things not to say to Pregnant Women". I recognize that I probably get more of it than maybe the average pregnant lady because we know so many people, but REALLY, it's a bit much! Could make the best person seriously contemplate hermithood!

So like I was saying, Thanksgiving couldn't come quick enough. Chad has been so busy with work, it seems he really hasn't stopped since the Easter rush began last year, that he was able to take 2 extra days. So Thursday we went to our doctors appointment and did a few errands in town before heading out to Moncton. Arriving in Moncton we did a little shopping and I got some pj's for the hospital and then we met Mom & Dad for supper at Heinz's Restaurant (where they make GREAT milkshakes!). Mom was very excited because for a week she'd been teasing me with some suprise she had for me. But of course she made me wait until after supper, we drove all the way to Elgin and got home!

She & Dad had bought me an early birthday/just because gift. She'd been concerned as the weather was getting colder that I was going to freeze as most of my clothes don't fit so well right now (for some reason ;)) Anyway, they bought me this gorgeous coat/cape thing. It isn't necesarily a maternity coat, but because of the way it is made I can wear it now and after Baby B is born. I LOVE it! It's neat and different and I was due a dressier coat anyway.

Friday we slept in. In the mountains of Elgin, it is so quiet, and there is little to do, so we slept, much needed sleep too! When I finally did get up I had a long bath in Mom and Dad's jacuzzi tub. I've got to say there is something wonderful about not having to squash yourself into a regular small tub when you're 9 months pregnant! I stayed in at least until my fingers and toes were wrinkly! Then Chad & I drove down to the Elgin country Store where we had a nice lunch and were the talk of the town --who are they? LOL! Fun! I got my hair trimmed up by the local hairdresser and then we went home and I took a nap! Pretty exciting eh! It was wonderful! We made some supper, watched a little t.v. and hit the sac. Wonderfully uneventful.

Saturday we woke up a tad earlier and Dad & Chad went down to the Elgin country breakfast--LOL! They had quite the massive feed! Mom started her thanksgiving cooking. Pies, turkey, coleslaw, pickles, rolls---gosh I don't even know where to begin. Mostly I just watched, Mom's got a method in the kitchen! When Chad & Dad got home from breakfast they both took a nap, I guess all that eating exhausted them! :) I never see Chad sleep like he does in Elgin, it always makes me a little nervous thinking something is wrong with him or something. He slept for over 2 hours! I think he must play catch up for the rest of the year when we go up there! After supper we went over to April & Trevor's to check out the log cabin they made-it is really really cool, what a ton of work!

Sunday we went in to the Elgin Church for service. It was nice for a different Sunday flavor, but I do love ours! In the afternoon Mom continued her cooking craze and my Uncle Merle came over to visit, I hadn't seen him in quite a while. Adam, Angela & Kaitlyn arrived, then April & Trevor (unfortunatly Trevor got a migrane and was really sick) and we headed down for our Thanksgiving tradition before supper. This involves a little bit of hiking, but nothing was keeping me back from being a part of it, hard to believe that next year Baby B will be nearly 1 and coming along too! Anyway, I think I overdid it a bit because I ached so uncomfortable that evening I could hardly enjoy thanksgiving dinner. I did find out the benefits of heating pads though---ahhhhh, heat! We're bringing that along to labour & delivery.

Monday we got up and played with Kaitlyn, who is such a doll and took our time getting on the road after hot turkey sandwhiches, honestly one of my favorite things about turkey dinner! 5 days away was just what the doctor ordered! We took the longer drive home along the river and stopped off at the Big Potatoe and bought some cookies-- we were hunting or cucumbers. Came home and Chad was so rested he cleaned out the shed! I even came back feeling somewhat close to sanity. Nothing like hiding out in the mountains where cell phones don't work, and there is nothing to do but listen to the quiet to replenish a girls soul!

Baby B's Room

Baby B's Room Complete!

Last night after Chad got off from work we headed up to Houlton to pay on the bill, and pick up the rest of the items we'd purchased for the Baby's nursery. Well actually we were able to pick up those items because the people at the church were so generous at our Baby shower. I was so excited to get it home and set up!

It was 10:00pm by the time we got home, we'd stopped for supper and to get cheepo US of A turkeys too, but we took at it. Well actually I think Chad thought we were just going to do the easy things and not the things that took assembly & drills (well he probably figured we were going to do everything, but was hoping I'd let him go to bed) but of course that was not the case. I did pout a tiny weeny bit (I honestly think he wanted to see it all together too) and we stuck it out till midnight putting the finishing touches on the baby's room.

I LOVE IT!! it is so cute! I will take some pictures later and be sure to post them! It was so weird! as soon as we put the mattress in the crib it was like I suddenly realized we were going to be putting a baby in there! Going to pack the bags for the hospital tonight, just in case Baby B decides to make an early visit, and we're as set as we're going to be!

Playing Aunt Heidi

Well I've now officially graduated on the scale of coolness! LOL! Sharon informed me yesturday that my gorgeous niece Savanna was supposed to be having her nap (but really didn't want one) after playing for quite sometime in her room (keep in mind she's just 2) she came out with a her stuffed rabbit under her shirt. When Sharon asked her what she was doing she said she was "playing Aunt Heidi". LOL! She's 2!!! Anyway, Sharon didn't make a big deal of it or anthing and Savanna carried on "Playing aunt Heidi" for a good bit before she got tired of it I guess. I think that is too cute! Ah if it were only that simple! I wonder if she thinks I have a bunny, or a baby in my belly! Here's for hoping it's a baby! :)

34 weeks pregnant

Prenatal #4: We graduated!

Well we've officially graduated, certificate and everything, from prenatal, I guess that means we're going to be perfect parents now right? I'm trying to remember what we learned, or even what interesting things happened at prenatal this week, but honestly it's all basically a haze. You see I started with horrific allergies! You know the kind that takes over your entire body! It hit me the middle of the night/morning Thursday and just progressivly got worse throughout the day. By prenatal time I was miserable! My doctor suggested saline nasal spray and benedryl, but I only remembered he recommended benedryl for bedtime after I took 2 just before prenatal. Can you say drouzy? Man it was rought stuff! I had a really really hard time staying awake. I think we learned how to bath the baby...yeah that sounds familiar...we watched a movie...was that about.....maybe bonding to the baby after it's been born....I'm sure there was more....

Anyway, Chad and I talked over the highlights of prenatal and I think we'd have to say the Peepee teepee (and I guess you can buy them at A Room to Remember downtown) and paranoia girl....man she was nuts! "You know there is a 1 in 1 millionth chance your baby could get......fill in the blank", or the best was "no no it's really cheap online. In Canada it would cost $300 but I got online for $200, and this was the case for every possible gadget you could buy, you can bet she purchased it. Chad & I realized we really were a gadget-less family at this point... oh well.

Well hubby's home from a photoshoot and I'm too nosey not to go check out his pics right away...and I believe he brought me home an icecream treat--yeah Chad!

¢ hange for Change

Smythe Street Choir is teaming up with the Fredericton Community Health Clinic for Change. The Community Health Clinic is operated by the faculty of nursing in downtown Fredericton providing essential educational experiences in primary health care for nursing students as well as meeting the health care needs of the homeless, people struggling with addictions, living in poverty, new immigrants and other marginalized people.

The clinic serves approximately 450 persons a year; more than 50 individuals per day of the year receive at least one health service. Some of the services offered are TB screening, HIV & Diabetes, blood pressure monitoring, complete medical histories & physicals, dressing changes, medication administration, injections: flu, tetanus & B12 shots, mental health & lifestyle counseling, methadone treatment programs, nutrition enhancement as well as basic hygiene care: showers & laundry services. Personnel at the clinic also refer people to the city’s emergency shelters, the Community Kitchen, the YMCA, John Howard Society and many other community agencies.

Smythe Street Choir is renowned in Fredericton for its quality performances, innovative musical arrangements and broad musical repertoire, ranging from traditional hymns to R&B and Jazz. SSC is a dynamic, 30 voice Gospel choir under the direction of Jill Kozak, enhancing weekly worship services as well as engaging in many community events. This year the Community Health Clinic lost its governmental funding and the Smythe Street Choir would like to help.

Smythe Street Choirs’ second recording project entitled Change is an upbeat, hope filled album. Choir driven, this Jazz & Blues album features the smooth sounds of the legendary Mr. Bucky Adams on the tenor sax as well as many talented local vocal favourites such as Christine Crain, Sheldon Gordon, Evangeline Inman, Conrad Mead and Jacqueline Vaillancourt. The CD launch is set for September 30th at 6pm at Smythe Street Cathedral and The SS Choir promises a fabulous concert free of charge but accepting monetary donations and Superstore gift cards as admission for presentation to the Community Health Clinic. (audio clips from the CD can be heard at http://www.ssc-creativearts.com/Special-Events.html )

Come and join us for a great concert while making a tangible difference in our community. For more information on the Community Health Clinic check out: http://www.unbf.ca/nursing/chc/index.html.
Community Health Clinic 275 Brunswick St. Fredericton, NB E3B 1G8
Phone: (506) 452-6383 Fax: (506) 452-6038

SSC's 25th Anniversary: What a weekend!

What a weekend! Smythe Street Cathedral celebrated 25 years in the building on Smythe Street this past weekend. What a fun, and exhausting time! Saturday night we had a great (allbeit LONG) evening of remembering where SSC came from. Pastor Mart Vahi returned from Estonia to reflect on his days bringing SSC up the hill from Argyle Street, there were newspaper articles and pictures from tent days and baptisms in the frozen river. The present day choir sang a few songs, the old Argyle Street hymn circle sang a few songs (how I loved those ones as they were what I grew up in Moncton on as well). And Pastor Mart closed the evening off with a talk on Success, Vision and Fullfillment.

I must admit that sitting the majority of 3 hours in a pew is not such a great idea for an 8 month pregnant lady like myself, but I couldn't help but see the and feel the awesomeness of the evening as well.

Sunday morning dawned early but with lots of excitement as Pastor Verner had been preparing his Vision casting for the next 10 years sermon. Never have I seen service go so long (25 minutes overtime the 11am service was starting to file in before we'd finished the 9am service) but what a powerful time and exciting time for our church as well. As Pastor Verner committed to the next ten years of values and focus areas for our church, it was hard not to get caught up in the vision and imagine where 10 years will take SSC. You can listen to the podcast at http://www.smythestreetcathedral.com, it's good stuff.

Sunday afternoon we had the priviledge of going down to the Lord Beaverbrook Hotel for a reception for all those people who made the journey up the hill from Argyle Street to Smythe Street 25 years ago and remained with us. It was quite something to see the 40+ people who had stuck it out through some very difficult times with the church. SSC gave each one a silver sailboat for their 25 years of service, it was really neat.

Sunday night was the big finale, and what fun family time it was. We started off at 6pm with a bbq and potluck which is always a fun time as a church family. Then we moved into the sanctuary for a worship time and testimonies. I was so moved during the worship time as families and individulats brought their cards filled with their hopes, dreams and faith in God to the front and put them in the time capsule. It was one of those moments that just sort of happened, but this was worship, more than the song service, this was worship...it was beautiful! Pastor Verner and Pastor Wayne shared how SSC had been a place of healing for them and their families during really difficult times, Brad Gunn also got up and talked about his transition back into church life and finding a home at SSC, and Bill & Liz Kent got up and talked about their journey to God and finding a place at SSC. It was exciting to imagine in 10 years when we crack open that time capsule what other stories we'll hear of people who have found God.

Chad had all the children come up on the stage and he asked them what they liked about our church and then asked them for help singing Happy Birthday to Pastor Verner. They wheeled down a big cake for him and he blew out the candles. As much fun as having all the kids sing to him was, I can imagine that there was no better way for Pastor Verner to spend his birthday weekend, then in remembering and seeing how God has used his life and ministry to affect so may others.

Then we all piled out into the foyer where they cemented the time capsule into the display case, and had a massive balloon drop with little scriptures printed on small paper inside each one. This was so much fun! Seeing families gather together, hold hands and children and pray for the next 10 years of their lives. It is hard to believe, but in 10 years we'll have a child nearly 10 years old! I'll be 37, Chad will be 41....wow....definilty hard to believe!

We cut the cake and called it a night, well called it a weekend actually! and what a great weekend it was!

Prenatal #3 & the Pee Pee Tee Pee

Prenatal week #3 has come and gone. I must admit this week was a lot harder on the head, post partum depression. I mean of course it's important to imform us, but it certainly wasn't easy to take in. I mean you spend so much time thinking, praying and hoping for your baby, imaining what it will be like to hold him or her, hear them laugh and giggle, watch them smile, and then to be faced with this horrible unattachement, it must be absolutly horrible!

We did a lighter activity after watching the video on post partum depression, thankfully. The guys went in one room and the girls were in another. The girls went through a "day in the life of.." and figured out prengnant how many hours we spent doing what. We came up with a grand total of at least 30 hours of activity in a 24 hour span of time... no wonder we're tired! We did managed to calculate a grand total of aproximatly 30 minutes peeing time in the run of a day--that's a lot of pee! Anyway, the boys spent their time putting together a list of things they could help with when the baby comes, funny funny boys! In the end I think the point was to realize we needed to work together and put restrictions and boundries up at least after the baby was born. The nurse was great with some suggestions for limiting visitors (keeping a housecoat by the door if someone drops by to help look distraught), taking a "babymoon" with your husband and not answering the phone or door for the first few weeks, leaving a message on the answering maching, we're spending time getting to know our new family, we'll return you calls in 2 weeks :), and the best I thought, was a bowl of chores written out on little pieces of paper, and if someone wants to come visit the baby they have to first complete one of the chores, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, start a load of laundry....sounds good to me! LOL!

We did learn one really fun little thing though, there is a new contraption called a "pee pee tee pee" LOL! It's for little boys, a little hood to put over them when you're changing his diaper so he doesn't spray the room down! LOL! We're going to have to try and find these and give them out as hilarious shower gifts wherever we go now! Ahh the things you learn!

Next week is the last week of prenatal and we graduate, certified great parents I'm sure! It's hard to believe that it won't be long and Baby B could be showing up on our doorstep any day!

Breastfeeding Clinic

Wednesday night we attended the Breast feeding clinic at put on the by the hospital and I must say it was really really great! Chad & I were both really impressed at how informative it was, and also the instructor, Pam, was really laid back and great! We wanted her phone number for those emergency calls after the baby arrives!

We couldn't get over all the crazy great benefits breast milk gives babies, everything for great immune systems to better bowels, higher iq's, and blueberry flavored milk! :) Of course they say that the first 6 weeks can be really difficult while Mom & baby are trying to figure themselves out, but the benefits seem great! We learned amazing things like how if the baby is sick or difficient in some way, somehow it signals the Mom's breast milk to create more of whatever the baby needs (seems so like God to me, and unexplainable! even the nurse said they couldn't quite figure out how this happens yet) We also learned that if you pump too early in the process you can actually train yourself to pump up to 7x more than what your baby needs--yikes! Pretty neat!

Anyway, we were impressed with the class, found it really encouraging, informative, and like "we can do this thing!" All with the exception of course to the rather disturbing video of Mom's breastfeeding, lets just say the video of the first Mom would scare me away from nipples for a lifetime--yikes! that's a mental picture!

Our 1st Date Anniversary

Yup, Chad & I have been"together" for 3 years Sept. 17th....just three years ago he decided to give me a call and ask if I was busy that night or not... and there it began. What a full 3 years! We met the first, married the second, and now Baby B is on the way for year 3! Chad was sweet picking me up flowers on the way home and then we went to the Back 9 for supper. Neither of us had been there before and it was really nice!

We started off splitting sweet potatoe humas which was good but really really sweet. I think Chad was right when he said it would be the right thing to split with another couple, just giving you a taste but not so sweet you didn't want anymore. I think I'm a bit traditional with my hummas palate as well. Then we split a really really great Chicken Ceasar Salad, it WAS really good having just the right amount of everything, including sauce, I would definilty get that again. Then to finish off we split this great pasta dish with peppers and cream sauce....oh yum, again really good! The atmosphere (at least on Monday night) was really great, quiet, nice lighting and neat decor. I think probably it wouldn't be that way if there was a big game on or something with all the t.v,'s but it was perfect for us!

We managed to take a walk over to try some Bubble tea. Chad had some out west and thought it was great so he wanted me to try it. He said it wasn't as good as the one he'd had out west, it was ok in my opinion but I neat thing to try regardless. We went for a little walk along our beautiful river and headed for home. A perfect evening, and considering the crazy schedule we've been running lately-- a much much needed time to ourselves!