Heidi Fest Pt 5- The Gift of Friendship

So by now I'm starting to relish this Heidi Fest thing. Taking time to be with people I care about and care about me, do some things I love, get spoiled, how could this be bad? I should do this more often! lol, now we're on to something! he he...

Chad worked his tail off for me Saturday. I was out in the morning at my community group glas Christmas brunch, coming home only long enough to feed Eliya, and then out most of the afternoon getting my hair done. I certainly know that child care of a 7 month old and 2 year old is work enough, but he was also prepping ingredients for his famous pizza (Jamaican Jerk pizza is the bomb!) and tidying up the house after two crazy weeks running the roads like lunitics! he had his work cut out for him.

I arrived home at 5:30, just moments before our good friends Chris and Céline came over for Jamacian Jerk and BBQ Chicken Pizza, Dark Chocolate Torte and games night.

We truly enjoyed Chad's amazing pizza and just catching up a bit, then took a break to bath and get the kido's in bed, stopping for a dance fest with Zoë in her new Christmas tutu pj's with Chris on keys. We then savored small (mostly because we'd pigged out on pizza and had no room left) slices of this delectable dessert. Then the party really got heated up ;)

While I was trying to rock/feed Eliya into bedtime slumber zone, Céline fell asleep on the couch and I started dozing in the rocking chair (now this is the life of an aged woman such as myself!). The boys were whispering at the table trying to figure out the instructions to our new game. lol. We did manage to pull it together long enough for a round of our new game, Yatzee Free For All --which by the way was fun and comes highly recommeneded by this crowd. Overall a great night of great food and time spent with great friends. Couldn't have asked for better and overdue for sure.

Reflecting on the gift of friendship...

I am blessed.

Heidi Fest Pt 4- The Gift of Personal Care

Ah the talented Kait! I spent a good chunk of Saturday afternoon with Kait my hairstylist. Is there many better ways to spend a gals time then have someone try to honestly make you look better? Some trimmed up locks, and refined colour placement and I'm preped for 30, Christmas, the New Year and Haiti.

I am blessed.

Heidi Fest PT 3- The Gift of Relationship

Saturday morning was my Community Group Gals Christmas Brunch. This group is super special. Busy women who are hungry for some "real" relationships with other women and a deeper relationship with God. We meet every other week because of child care difficulties and crazy work schedules etc. but every meeting is such an uplifting and encouraging experience we always leave wanting more. The gals put together an "An Old Age Preparedness Kit" for me. They had just a bit too much fun I think. There were crazy eye glasses, bright red shinny lip gloss(because what crazy old lady can't have bright obnoxiously red lips!), an "it's my birthday I'll cry if I want to" hankie, oatmeal, Epsom salts, a 30 blinking birthday button, Ensure etc. Foolish, yes, Fun yes. I am thankful to have these really awesome women in my life to celebrate with, or morn perhaps, depending on how I end up looking at things!

I am blessed!

Heidi Fest Pt 2- The Gift of Indulgence

Last night, even though Chad was busy running errands after a full day of work and I was busy doing householdy things, he arrived home with one of my most favorite Christmas indulgences--a fabulous Heidi fest gift--Hickory Farms' Jalepeno Cheeseball. I will admit that one year I actually sat down by myself and devoured 1/4 of it all on my own it is that delicious--oh yum!

Let the festivities continue!

I am blessed.

~H

Heidi Fest Pt 1- The Gift of Freedom

My hubby has decided that the week prior to me turning the big 3-0 should involve a number of events to celebrate my birthday. He has entitled the week "Heidi Fest"(he's cute isn't he?). I have been given strict instructions to accept all invitations given to me-lol-sounds scary huh?However, if last night was any indication of what is to come it's going to be good.

Last night-Heidi Fest Pt 1: The Gift of Freedom, was an evening out on the town to do with as I wished. The night kicked off with a pedicure! yea! I spent the first hour and 15 minutes having my feet soaked, scrubbed, buffed and polished. I was nearly asleep by the time they told me that I wasn't to wear socks or shoes for the next 2 HOURS!!! --what! no socks or shoes for 2 hours! isn't that something they should mention when you book a pedicure! for all of us novices (there are others out there too I'm sure!) a little preamble during the booking would have been nice (but less funny in the long run I suppose).

I had planned on doing some Christmas shopping, get a Starbucks etc. as it was my evening of freedom. Shopping without 2 small babies hanging on you, needing diaper changes etc. can be quite enjoyable. Now I was left to shuffle through the mall in flimsy spa flip flops sporting beautifully manicured Burgundy red piggies in the dead of winter with a winter coat and scarf on, Starbucks in hand. Perhaps I needed a touch more humility before 30? Perhaps it's a sign that I really am getting older when I don't head home or cower in a corner. Perhaps it is a sign I am cheap when the cost of the pedicure keeps me from just putting my shoes on and risking the paint job outweighing any possible embarrassment.

Ahh I did get a few stares, but had a great time, wandering around, stopping to chat with everyone I knew--and yes they were all out last night--with little care for the time, or the needs of anyone else, accomplishing little on the Christmas list or otherwise but not responsible for anyone but myself. Blissfully happy and at the same time overly aware that my two little dollies were home in bed, thinking of their beautiful faces, seeing babies and thinking of mine...ah children, how they change your outlook on everything.

I arrived home, spread out this years accumulated Christmas cheer on the floor and Chad and I wrapped the Moncton bound gifts to take with us this weekend. We talked about Christmas and gift giving, the trap of buying for your children, the fight to stay out of the madness and large pricetags. While out, I was in the line at Toys R Us and the lady in front of me was asked by the cashier if she wanted to donate $1 to the charity represented. The customer proceeded to go on a rant about the need to take care of ones own first (hundreds of dollars in video games were her purchase) to which the cashier agreed and said with things as tight as they are, no one should be expected to give to other things as well. I was overwhelmed at how wrong we have it.

I'm headed to Haiti in January and have been thinking about what I'd like to bring our sponsor child Michaela when I meet her. She is 4. She loves art, so I thought some art supplies were an obvious choice, but I also really wanted to give her a baby doll. I know how much Zoë loves hers and Zoë has so many, and Michaela probably doesn't have one. How many other children don't even have one doll, stuffed animal or special toy and my children can't even count all of theirs, and wouldn't miss half of them. But yet, when I am at home, with the Christmas loot all spread out on the floor to see, I see how little we've bought our daughters, who have everything they could possibly need, and I am still affected by the materialism with which we live. Maybe I need to run out and buy Eliya an.... do you think Zoë would like a.....Take care of our own first! our own are so well taken care of we don't have any idea what that statement even means. We can show love in so many ways, isn't that the point?

Despite this emotional thinking process, my evening was wonderful. Super bonus, the girls both slept through the night and until 7:30am!!

I am blessed!

~H

Cobocol, Haiti

As many of you know I am headed to Cobocol, (near Hinche) Haiti, January 12th. The next step in a project I am helping spearhead which will endeavor to connect the Fredericton Community with this Haitian Community (through World Vision) in the hopes of making sustainable, measurable differences in areas affected by poverty.

Many more updates will be coming from me, but here is a start. Some of you have asked, first where Haiti is (see left) in relation to New Brunswick and second where exactly Cobocol is in Haiti, as it does not appear on Google Maps etc. Here are a couple of maps helping you better locate where I will be.

We will be leaving January 12th and flying into the Capital of Haiti, Port-au-Prince, and then travelling 6 hours on the ground from there to Hinche, the community nearest the ADP (area development project).

We will stay for a the better part of a week, learning about the Community and their needs, resources, expertise and seeing how the projects are developing and hopefully gaining a sense or initial relationship and knowledge about how we might be best able to help this community become self sufficient. There are 19 communities within this one ADP.

I have specific interests in areas of mother/baby care (nutrition etc.) as well as education. I know that I can't possibly prepare myself for the change this is going to bring about in me, for the shock this is going to be to my Northern American perspective but I can honestly say I am so hungry for the reality check and hopefully a renewed and fervent desire to make a tangible difference.

I see Jesus

Incomprehensible conception. You CREATED.

Mystifying design of love.

God, I look and I see your awesome extravagance in bursts of sunset painted across the sky.

I breathe in the sweet scent of fresh renewal that comes following the spring rain.

I taste and I savor the explosion of a multitude of flavors.

God, I listen and I hear joyous, medicinal laughter bubbling up from young children’s voices.

I touch and I feel deep comfort in the embrace of a loved one.

And I know that you are God. And I know that you are good.

In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. (Psalm 102:25)

But God, my eyes are not blind, they are raped by slavery and injustice.

The putrid stench of poverty lies decaying in our streets.

Bitter battles rip and tear and destroy nations, families, marriages.

The agonizing cries of children resonate in our cities, our schools, our homes, our churches: lost, damaged, abused.

Empty arms long to be held, to be loved, to be comforted, to be protected: cherished.

And I can not help but ask, where are you God? where IS your good?

They are there: your hands, my hands, our hands

Offering food to the hungry,

Drilling wells for the thirsty

Providing clothes to the exposed,

They are building homes for the destitute

Stitching the wounds of the marred.

But what of their minds they are still distressed,

Their hearts are still fearful,

Their souls are still wounded,

And we are left with our efforts

Broken, weak, and vulnerable.

But I see Jesus

Reaching out HIS calloused hands to heal the sick,

His stable arms leading the blind,

His strength lifting up the crippled.

I see him stoop to bless the children and smile in their faces.

I see his arms stretched wide to embrace this fallen world as he is unjustly dying.

I see his nailed hands.

I see the damage inflicted in his risen flesh radiate hope and confidence

And I CANNOT stand,

I MUST kneel and raise my hands to worship.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners (Isaiah 61:1)

But through my thankful tears, my humble act of worship, one arm is driven to my side.

To my left, to my right, THEY are there and I MUST reach them.

One hand reaching up, one hand reaching out.

To know my Lord, to worship my God, is to defend the poor and needy, the weak, the fatherless, the oppressed.

Where are YOUR hands that heal, lend stability, give strength and lift up?

They are mine, they are yours, they are ours.

WE have been anointed to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed. (Luke 4:18)

Only then, will we truly see God.

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Mathew 25:35-36

on motherhood...

never so exhausted, so "stretched"(yes I mean that in several different ways), so forced selfless, so full of love!

Motherhood-wow. This is really one of those things you just can't possibly "get" until you become a Mom yourself. And yes, of course you hear this your whole life, but it really becomes so true after you've been a Mom for little awhile and look back on your life. This isn't a badge of honour statement but just pure truth.

First of all, I am glad I had the privilege to live a little, finish my degrees, figure myself out a bit and get married to an awesome man before I had my girls. I think not only did I grow as a human into a person who had a starting point from which I'd like to raise my children, but I am less likely to resent them from holding me back from becoming some of the things I wanted to be, do or see.

Having said that I can't help but wonder lately if I'd had my daughters when I was younger if I wouldn't be a much better person approaching 30 then I am now.

I have yet to figure out how to "plan"a pregnancy. Both of my girls, although my biggest God given gifts, were not planned, and I could argue, although I won't, not in MY plans at all. I became pregnant for Zoë just as my teaching career was beginning to come together and aspirations for that perfect little home, world travelling adventures and major student loan payments were beginning to take root in my brain and become legitimate possibilities. I was in major shock and thought a lot about HOW or even IF I COULD be a good Mom. I remember staring at my stomach moving and thinking "alien!!"

Even when I became pregnant for Eliya, my second child, I didn't feel like I was ready to be pregnant again or have another child. I was just thinking I might be beginning to get my feet under me with a toddler and the new experiences she brought to my daily life. Although some women seem to embrace pregnancy I think I think too much and I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it and that seems to drive me crazy!

One of my dear friends did ask me when I was freshly pregnant with Eliya and hadn't told a soul yet other than Chad, "why have children? why bring them into this corrupted and hurtful world? Is it purely selfish, for the joy they bring to your life, for carrying on your legacy?" I thought about it a lot and resolved that children are God's hope for the world, they are HIS plan to better the world, they are his precious gift to the world, to the family. I truly believe that my girls will change the world. I felt that this baby I was carrying, that no one even knew of yet, would have this hope within him/herself and would evoke this hope in others...there began the struggle to find a name we liked that meant hope!

Even still the night before I went in to have Eliya I was on the phone with my Mom bawling, like a baby myself, certain I couldn't possibly have any more love in my heart for another baby. I loved Zoë so all inclusively! But I was soon to find out there IS more, there is more love for this one, more, different, amazing love.

As many mothers will tell you, the evening came for each of them when I was rocking them, watching them sleep, overwhelmed with the love welling up inside of me, astounded at the emotion that comes from staring your little one in the face. There aren't words to describe this feeling, although the writer in me has certainly tried of course. The best way I can describe it is that through no act of my own it now feels like my girls hold my heart in their hands. Unintentionally, but willingly my heart beats for them.

My heart hurts like it has never hurt before for them, it fills with immeasurable joy like it has never been filled before, for them. If I had only known, as a young adult, this wordless truth, I would have never questioned my mothers' love for me, I could never have walked away when things were difficult. But alas, we can't live our lives backwards can we? I remember telling my Mom after I'd had Zoë, "If I'd only known Mom, I never would have questioned."

I have been forced into self denial time and time again whether because of sickness, or feedings, falls or even needed hugs and cuddles. I have had to put my own ambitions aside and just sit on the floor and colour. I have felt useless and unproductive as my child rips through the one thing I managed to accomplish that day-folded laundry. I have felt so isolated, day in day out attempting to be housemaid, super mommy and sexy wife. There have been so many times when I have desperately needed a few quiet moments, a bubble bath or a the intangible nap and felt the frustration mounting inside of me as there just wasn't time for me, it has seemed there was no "me".

But I am learning that what makes me a fabulous Mom, isn't my clean floors (get over it folks they're just going to pee on them as soon as you finish scrubbing), or the folded laundry (it will be dirty again by tomorrow), or even baking the most fantastic birthday cake by scratch, it is that they have my heart. That THIS love is theirs, and no one else can give them this.

I have learned, even just two years into being a Mom, about the absolute necessity of touch, for children, for adults and myself. That dancing like a lunatic in the livingroom with your two year old, was in God's ultimate plan. That your child's first smiles will make you believe you can do anything. That the satisfaction of successfully breastfeeding your child and knowing they are getting the best nourishment possible is worth any seeming torture you may have to get through to get there. That your child's first giggles come straight from heaven. That you would walk through fire for them, not by choice but instinct. That rocking a peacefully sleeping baby restores the weary. That little hands caressing your cheek, holding your hand, reaching up for you, ligitimizes your very existence.

I FEEL deeper, love more fully, share joy more willingly, laugh more heartily, am more sensitive and compassionate to others needs. I really VALUE LIFE... and I can't help but wonder if I'd had my babies when I was younger, wouldn't I be a much better person now?

things are movin' now

well I started my round of shots today to prepare me for my trip to Haiti in January. It is hard to believe that after years of praying and exhausting areas, having no clue what to pursue, where to pursue, endless frustrations, things are finally starting to come together. And yet I have no idea how this trip is going to potentially change my life. What does God have in store for Haiti, for Fredericton, for me?

I'm asking

I have really been impressed lately with a specific prayer for me and my family this coming 2010, it seems confirmation is everywhere. God is good, He has always guided me when I have seriously asked. I'm asking.

Psalms 25:4-5

⁴ Show me the right path, O Lord;
point out the road for me to follow.
⁵ Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZfsxydxEXA

thriving...not just living

written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. it is the most-requeste column I've ever written."

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's ok to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
    
17. Get rid of aything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, the go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In 5 years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your buisness.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who Go is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

yes, it's beem ages...

motherhood is certainly all encompassing and somehow there is little time for writing. yet without it I don't feel as centered. so here's hoping.