Pit dweller

So the truth is, sometimes I "dwell in the pit", maybe I've even been doing it tonight. This is the pit of self doubt, the pit of insecurity and loneliness, sometimes worthlessness  and uncertainty. I'm thankful that it doesn't usually last very long and I don't write tonight to expose myself as much as to share in case some one who reads this is also an occasional or more than occasional pit dweller too.

I'm so thankful that years ago, in 2000 actually, Jesus reached down to me in the darkest days of my life and pulled me out of the pit, a pit I pray I will never return to.  But I realized something new this weekend, that maybe for the rest of the Christian world is obvious, but for me it was a game changer and as I try to process it I'll write it out.

While at the Orange Conference, a Next Gen Ministry Conference in Boston this weekend, one of the speakers talked about the importance of Creating a Safe Place for our small group kids, one where they feel that they matter to you, what matters to them matters to you and that they matter to you more even, than what you believe. That relationship and EMPATHY amplifies the truth.

The speaker spoke about empathy vs compassion. Compassion hands a sandwich down to the person in the pit but empathy crawls down in the pit and sits with him.  This made good sense to me until the speaker said "Jesus empathizes with your weaknesses and jumps in the hole with you, we want to be like Jesus." The tears started to roll and I struggled to get them under control.

I didn't realize it, but I think that my entire life I have seen Jesus reaching down and pulling me out of holes, even picking me up and carrying me a part of the journey before standing me up on my two feet again. Sharing the truth with me, cheer-leading me forward, kicking me in the pants but I have never considered that he might actually crawl down in to the hole with me, hold my hand and cry with me.

Doesn't this change everything?

For a person who "needs nothing from anyone" is "strong, determined, a get it done personality"- doesn't this change everything?  For a person who struggles to allow herself to be weak, hurt, vulnerable, knowing that Jesus doesn't even need to cheer-lead you through it, but would take the time to crawl down in the hole and sit awhile, this changes everything, at least it does for me.

The speaker brought out Hebrews 4:15-16 which says "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testing we do, yet he did not sin.  So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."

I've always read this as a "Jesus was tempted to do bad things and didn't"
kind of verse. But  what if because Jesus felt weak he knows what it's like to want to curl up in a fetal position and give in to the pit for awhile, hide from the world, "hole up"?  What if he knows what it is like to cry and have your heart break, and be lonely and unsure and feel it all? And what if, because of that we don't need to pull it all together for him, jump up again after a fall or a bruising and say "I'm fine!" but we can sit there for a bit and allow him to join us, because he knows what it's like, he can empathize with us, with me, and then, only then, can the waves of mercy, love and grace come crashing over me and my confidence be restored.

What if this pit dweller has company?