Why I do my Christmas Shopping online

Yesterday, 11am get to mall discover poop explosion and no diaper bag . 
Purchase diapers, wipes and deodorant. 
Kids are starving, buy lunch. 
Pass free kittens outside walmart 4 year old sobs incessantly wanting a kitten. Apparently she can read the word free. She sees "fake Santa" and cheers up. 
Looking for staff party Xmas sweater I pass the one store with maternity wear to find a sign saying "no carts allowed". 
Walk to other end of mall for a chapters gift card. Try to squish 9 month belly and cart full of grabbing kids in the checkout to have other purchaser growl when they can't get by my crying four year old who insists i bought the wrong gift card. 
Hunt through mall for the gift I want that isn't over priced at $40. Place I want to stop has one unmarked item but they are so busy I can't get near with my cart. 
Kids want to play. Proceed to play yard. 
Time to pack everyone up to pick 6 year old up at school. 
Sleeping kids in car, tims coffee stop. 
Back in town to try a different store, no Christmas gift but do have a mat sweater, clerk suggests I try it on-yeah right! 
Did I mention every time I take the two year old out of the cart he looses his boots? 
New store.
Back to initial stop for unmarked gift, could care less how crazily priced it is now. Wait for 15min with employee flirting with young man customer examining flasks who then buys nothing. I could use one at this point while my kids hang upside down from me, running, pinching, singing Christmas tunes at the top of their lungs, trying to drink someone's cup of left behind hot chocolate. Finally clerk attends me to find the unmarked gift is in my price range. 
I smell more poop. 
Off to pick up Daddy from work.

with two hours to myself in a public place the same question comes at me over and over again so here it is...
Yes, I am having my FOURTH baby in January and actually it is one thing in this world I am absolutely certain of! 
and no, we're not totally CRAZY but totally in love with the miracle and value of the little lives God has blessed us with. 
You're right, my HANDS ARE SO FULL...of love and blessing and life, hope, mercy, faith and potential. 
Yes, it can be HARD, I'm sure I don't know the half of it yet, but aren't all wonderful things? 
Truly, I get to closely WITNESS God AT WORK in 4 little lives and participate in seeing them meet their God-given potential. 
No, I'm not totally irresponsible because I can't GIVE THEM EVERYTHING, because they have everything and we will define our everything, our richness, by God and family and relationships. 
And WHAT ABOUT ME? My potential, my dreams, my career, my pursuits...? You're right....so right...what about me? this questions perhaps brings more tears to my eyes than you realize because I can't explain what you don't know....
Yes that was a mouthful in response to a simple question, but one I am asked so often, I suppose I could have just said...
"It is obvious you have yet to meet my children!"

You Give Me a Dream

The day dawns with nervous excitement for the team.  Today we will meet our sponsor children.

We begin with a short road trip to the Centre of Hope.  This is a beautiful facility, with a gorgeous view donated primarily by World Vision America.  It’s primary purpose is as a gathering, training and youth centre with a huge soccer field in the back, meeting rooms, technology rooms, kitchen etc. As I stand in the middle of the big meeting room, I covet the open concept, windows everywhere, accessibility and multipurpose functions.  As I hear of their plans for the facility I hear God begin to whisper to my heart and I am overwhelmed to hear from him and dream of the future.

From there we travelled back to COBOCOL ADP. Driving in to the ADP we notice many children are obviously dressed in their best.  The girls are dressed in beautiful dresses, and loads of bows and beads. Some of the boys have dress shirts and jackets. Everyone is excited  and expectant.

As we mount the staircase to the ADP and I look out at over 300 beautiful faces and their parents awaiting in our arrival, I immediately spot Makayla, my sponsor child, sitting in the front row in a lovely green dress.  She is taller, than the last time.  In a moment the realization that so many of these children are connected to people at home that I love overwhelms me. I am unable to hold back the many tears pouring down my cheeks as I catch sight of Buba and Walky our KONNECT sponsor children. I am embarrassed at my uncontrolled tears and try to hide my face so overcome, and Bernie lays his arm around my shoulder. God is here, his presence is felt so strongly and we know it.

The staff ushers us to the same room where we will get to spend a few moments with our sponsor child.  The room is raw with emotion. I watch as Lori’s children enter. Her face is a mix of emotion as she laughs, cries and smiles with them and their fathers.  Bernie meets with his boys and we are all amazed at how articulate and confident his older boy presents himself.  I am next.

Makayla arrives, beautiful and shy, with her mother.  This is a special treat for me because the last time I met her I didn’t have the opportunity to meet  any of her family members.  Makayla seems pleased when I make a big deal of how much she has grown since the last time I saw her.  We talk about what she enjoys, my family and children and she opens the gift we put together for her.  I invite her mother into the conversation and discover that Makayla now has an 18 month old baby Brother.  Quickly her mother and I begin discussing our rambunctious, climbing, busy sons.  A connection has happened in the room and something nearly sacred was about to happen.  Her mother leaned forward and told the interpretor, while staring in my eyes, “ Thank you, thank you for caring for my daughter, for helping her grow healthy and strong, for helping her get an education.  Thank you for the gifts, you make her feel special.  You and I, and she gestured between us, “ we are the same.”  And she leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.

I honestly had no idea how to respond to this. I felt my heart breaking in 100 beautiful pieces all over the floor.  As we left to go outside to join in the music and festivities I felt a little lost on the inside, like the truth I had known in my head and finally hit my heart in such a personal way.

As I walked through the crowd of children and parents, taking pictures with the children and interacting in broken French with them I longed for the walls of division and separation to fall between us.  The unspoken assumption that distance or colour makes us different, the “ them” or “ us”  mentality.  It is mostly unspoken, we feel we are refined enough for that, but it is present, it is the lack of experience, sitting heart to heart, tete a tete and seeing we are the same.  Take care of your own first-these are my own, our own.

I nearly tripped over a small foot.  When I looked up to excuse myself I immediately recognized that face. It was Kenema, Taylor’s Sponsor child. I couldn’t possibly be right! I knelt before him and told him my name and asked if he was Kenema, he was indeed! I nearly cried, so happy to meet him again.  I explained to him as best I could that my friend was his sponsor parent. He gestured for me to take a picture of him sitting proudly to show her.   Moments later I stumbled similarly upon Frantzer Ben’s sponsor child and excitedly explained the same.  He gave me a  deep scowl when I took his picture and then laughed to see it on the camera’s screen.

Presentations and songs from the children filled the afternoon under the makeshift stage and sound system.  At one point we are offered the stage to share some Canadian culture, instead we all run to ground, gather the children and parents around us and teach them the hokey pokey with Jason on guitar.  The children and parents laughed with us as we danced and played with them.   I looked up to see the UN Soldiers who had come and set up tents for the children to sit under all afternoon, all videotaping us with their iphones and laughing and gesturing at the crazy Canadians.

We feasted on a beautiful array of food for lunch and attempted to wait patiently while all of the children were fed before we could go out and play with them again.  Skipping ropes, nurf balls, soccer balls and bubbles came out of the bags as we played and interacted with the children.  My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  Just before it was time to go one little girl came up and tugged my shoulder.  “ What is your name? “  she asked me in broken English, “ You, you give me a dream.”  I looked her in her beautiful brown eyes covered her hand in mind and said “ You, you give ME a dream.” 

"Love Has No Frontier"

A convoy of motorbikes ushered us to our first destination, the first flying the Canadian and Hatiain flags. This morning began at a school in the UDICC ADP. Rows and rows of blue uniforms lined the school grounds awaiting our arrival. The children and parents watched with deep ink brown eyes as we drove in and took our places for introductions. The children sang and raised the flag to being their school day.  It is impossible not to fall in love with these beautiful children.  Although they look timid at first, a smile and a wave breaks wide a full fledged grin.

We were ushered into a school room and then the parents begin filing in.  They have come to meet the people who sponsor their children’s education and health. I was amazed at just how many of them crammed themselves into such a small room.

So much of our communication happens in a look, or a touch to the shoulder.  I caught one Mom looking at me and she nodded. I smiled and she responded with a huge grin, from which another mother, with an adorable baby in toe, gave me a huge smile. I could feel the unspoken connection between us. Something was happening in the room.

The head of education began, “ Love has no frontier. Love brought you here, to a place you didn’t know existed and we thank you.”   He explained to us that just 2 years ago they had aproximately 80 irregular school children.  With the rain and the mud, and most children needing to travel 7-10k on foot to school most were not able to come.  2 years ago this school was built and they now have 600 students and are bursting at the seams.  The parents faces beamed as we applauded their children’s education.

Following the meeting we were able to interact with the children who were all very excited to see us and loved having their pictures taken. Again and again they asked for more pictures of themselves and their friends. L’orange even got in a picture with some of the girls.  The City officials looked on and wondered between themselves what child had drawn a face on the orange. They were very amused to find out it was one of the Canadian women instead.  Soon they were involved tipping the face of the orange for a better picture. It was so much fun to laugh and play with the children.

It was hard to tare ourselves away but we were on the road again to visit another goat project.  Here we learned that over 100 goats have been distributed and over 250 babies born from that. Distribution.  Goats are like money in the bank, good for milk and meat they are also easy to sell in case of emergency money is needed.  Many of the goats have been given to widows.  We followed the workers into the field  to see the Elephant Tree they used to feed the goats, high in protein, and some Sugar cane.  Unfortunatly when we left the field we also left the gate open and within moments the goats were calling to each other and making a beeline for the gate door and all of the elephant tree their little hearts could desire!  We learned that goats round up pretty quickly!

As we approached UDICC I wondered if the brass band would be at the ADP Headquarters to great us as they had in our 2011 visit.  I wondered what the other team members would think of such a high welcome, but again the Haitians surprised me by meeting us just outside of the city with a brass band  and full length banner and then paraded us through the streets to the Mayors office.

I can’t even begin to express the feelings that something like this create, I don’t really think there aren’t adequate words to describe such a moment.  The excitement and buzz in the streets, the upbeat brass music, the people joining in the parade along the way, children walking arm and arm, adults dancing to the music…truly it is surreal.

The tree nursery was next.  This time not so much to show off the nursery itself, which has more than doubled since our last visit, but to talk to the families who have benefited from the program.  I always love hearing these stories, directly from the families and people-they are so inspiring.  After an array of stories we were set loose to check out the nursery.  Most of us ladies chose to interact in our limited way with the women and children instead, again taking their pictures, laughing and joking with them and showing them pictures of our own families.  Mothers called over their daughters to have their picture taken together.  As we showed them the pictures the pride and love for their children is all over their faces as they squeeze them tight. At one point one matriarch/grandmother had us all busting a stitch united in hearty laughter as she attempted to arrange a marriage for her shy on-looking grandson.- Meet your inlaws she gestured, insisting on a family photo as we all laughed on.  These moments are so precious.  As we know each other sister to sister, mother to mother, I feel and learn so much about our world and myself.  This is beautiful.

We are surprised to return to UDICC headquarters for what we think is a meeting about sponsor children. Instead we are surprised by a battle of the bands-Canadian to Haitian (with even Mayor Woodside singing ‘What a Wonderful World’ to their absolute delight!) followed by dance performances, singing, poems and finally gifts from the ADP.  Each one of us was presented with a painting done by one of the children themselves.  The band saw us off with lively renditions of familiar hymns and choruses. 

As we drove out of the city and back to the hotel we are amazed at the children and adults who will wave and smile to us as we pass by.  Dust kicks up as we travel the roads, covering cactus made fences, clothing, houses and everything in it’s path.  Bikes have 3 and sometimes 4 people riding teach one to and from town. Mules carry heavy loads long distances, women are weighted down with baskets on their heads loaded with supplies, children play in the streets and chase after pigs, cows and goats, young boys lead their horses with supplies back to their homes, doorways are crowded with neighbors sharing their day. This world is different than my every day reality. Yet the president of the school this morning was right  “Love has no frontier.”

Tonight at supper we laugh until we cry attempting to prepare for another potential battle of the bands at our COBOCOL sponsor party.  Tomorrow will surely be another impossible day to explain.

" You Put Haiti in Your Heart"

I may actually be too tired to make myself stay up and write about the day today, but what a great day it was!

Morose met us in the parking lot today.  It is always so wonderful to  spend time with him and I cherish the relationship we have begun to develop.  My face lit up to see him and he hurried over to give me a hug and ask how his “ pastor friend” and our kids were doing.

We began the morning in Hinche.  I thought we were on our way to COBOCOL ADP, so when we stopped at a road barricade in Hinche and I saw the police in the street I quickly put my camera away to ensure a low profile.  Next I knew I saw a brass bad, balloons and dignitaries in the street. Once again, they had surprised us with an amazing welcome.  First they played the Haiti National Anthem, followed by the Canadian National Anthem.  This was very moving again for Bernie and I and wonderful to watch the others experience it for the first time.

The Mayor of Hinche was absolutely beaming. His captivating smile and address to Hinche city officials as well as us, the guests was indicative of the emotion, excitement and pride he felt to have us, and Mayor Woodside here with him.  He presented with Mayor Woodside to the keys to his city, thankful and appreciative that our Mayor would come spend time away from his city, with his people.  It was a wonderful start to the morning.

From there we did go to the ADP where we met the staff and once again had the brass band perform for us.  They refer to us as the Canadian Delegate and treat us with such high esteem it is surprising.  Morose begins staff introductions by addressing Freddylink “You wanted to put Haiti in your agenda’s but you have also put Haiti in your hearts, for this we thank you.”

The staff took us on a tour of the ADP, Technology Centre, Library, Sewing and Textile Centre, Woodworking and Corn Mill.  We were excited to brainstorm other possibilities for projects to continue the partnership and further development within COBOCOL.  One woman thanked us for our support explaining that for some young people, unable to further their education, they are able to train vocationally and make their own clothes or woodwork as well as sell for added income.

We had the exciting opportunity to hear from the ADP’s first Medical Student training to be a Doctor.  It is exciting to see the sponsor children growing up and being given the opportunities to further their education and then also come back to to use their skills to further develop their communities.

The spread of Haitian food at lunch was wonderful.  From Rice and Beans to Goat, Chicken and Fish, Spicy Potatoes, plantain, lasagna…it was certainly a cultural treat and no one left hungry.

The Administrative Assistant at the ADP was busy helping clean up the food and I put my hand on her back to thank her.  I mentioned that she might not remember me but I remembered her from our last visit (we had had a nice connection point and conversation last visit, she is one of those personalities that simply glow.  She turned around and hugged me “Oh I remember you and pray for you every day!” –these connections mean so much.

On the road again for the Goat project it was wonderful to see the team members hear of the project operations and ask questions of the managers directly.  Goats are a huge resource to the Haitians.  Morose explained, that a healthy goat is like money in the bank.  If an emergency arises, you can sell your goat to money to care for yourself and your family. 

From there we went to the Mothers Club.  Last visit this was one of the highlights of our trip for me, I felt such solidarity with the women.  This time was no different.  The women indicated that most had families larger than 8.  One woman had 13 children and stood to say thanks to the help of World Vision, her 13 children would not be having as many children of their own.  It is obvious the hardship of providing for so many, yet the love for their children is prominent.  As they expressed their hopes and desires for the children’s futures, the hardships and challenges that they face, once again we were reminded that we are all the same, with the same hopes and dreams for our children and their future, perhaps different difficulties, but the same heart for our children. 

As they closed the meeting, one woman came forward and offered us the gift of a song expressing their love and appreciation for the support and love we give their children for a better tomorrow. We had fun following the meeting to connect with the mothers and some of their children, taking pictures, holding babies and just loving the children.  It is true isn’t it?  Regardless of culture or where you are in the world, a mother can see and feel when someone truly cares for their child, and it breaks down walls and barriers.  I honestly could have stayed with them all day long and been quite content to listen to their stories and play with their babies.

We stopped in at the Tree Nursery on the way home.  From Mangoes to avocado, coffee and garlic, tress are being harvested to give and proper train families on their care, maintance and usage. Deforestation is such a tremendous problem in Haiti. 

It has been a long day, packed full of information and meetings, but what remains true is that each one of us shares the same sky, we are brothers and sisters with the same heart beat for our families and future and watching this one community make large strides forward into a better tomorrow is very inspiring.